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These are skills that are highly effective. People are usually underwhelmed when getting trained to use these skills, as they seem simplistic. The underwhelm quickly vanishes when they apply the techniques in conversation. They are nothing short of astounding.

Elicitation is the art of obtaining information without asking many questions. The techniques you’re about to learn are by far the most effective information-gathering tools taught to intelligence agencies and spies the world over. However, the techniques do more than just make someone divulge information.

When someone discusses sensitive information with you, a bond form. Someone who has already begun sharing secrets is highly likely to continue doing so. Think of the last time you were able to talk without a filter to someone. I am not sure where it is, but there’s some kind of switch in our brains that flips when we start talking. This switch makes us more connected with the other person and also opens up the gates for even more information to come out.

You’ve probably used a couple of these techniques before without knowing it. And you’ve heard them from others without realizing it as well. Now you’ll be able to use them on purpose instead of by accident. When I teach these to intelligence personnel, they are always completely in shock at how effective they are in such a short time.

With the core of 6MX being reading human behavior, these techniques make it more powerful. If we’d like to read someone, it would really help to make them comfortable revealing more information than they usually do. And all these techniques can be used in under six minutes, adding critical data to your behavior profile of anyone you speak to.

The more sensitive the information you need, the fewer questions you should ask.

Let’s imagine you and I are standing in the produce section of a grocery store. A female employee is stocking new oranges into a pile. I give you an assignment: approach this employee and find out how much she earns per hour in less than sixty seconds.

In this scenario, you might initially think of walking up to her and asking her how much money she makes. You might get an answer, but you’ll get more than that. In our culture, money and sex are taboo conversational topics. Asking someone about their level of income is offensive, and even if you got the answer you were looking for, you’d still be instantly put into a column in her mind of being anti-social, rude, or just awkward. This is not ideal.

If we ask questions to discover sensitive information, the person might feel as though you’re prying. People tend to recoil when they feel interrogated. When they provide the information we need voluntarily, they feel much better about it and will remember the conversation as a good one.

Back to the produce section. What if you watched me obtain the information using elicitation?

I walk up to the employee and ask her where the celery is, and as she’s walking me over to that area, I make a brief comment about an article I just read online. “I just read this article on the news that said you guys all got bumped up to 21 dollars an hour a few weeks ago. That’s fantastic!” The employee gives me a confused look and says, “What? No. We only make 14.75 an hour here unless you’re a manager. Managers make like 19.50.”

Not only did she voluntarily offer her income, but I even got the exact amount, and the income of the manager without using a question to do so!

Elicitation can be used to warm up a quiet client, get your kids to tell you more about their day, or obtain national intelligence-level secrets.

Using the skills effectively requires good listening skills and a suppression of the desire to talk about ourselves. In most communication, these are the skills we need anyway.

Good elicitation should sound and feel like normal conversation. The skills you’re about to learn are effective anywhere.

Elicitation is effective for several reasons, but the main reason it’s effective is that it allows the person to recall actively offering the information instead of being questioned or interrogated.

This method is taught in government intelligence training around the world. It relies on two psychological principles that describe how we remember things:

The hourglass method uses these two principles by ensuring the sensitive information we need is couched within the middle of conversations. If this occurs, the person being elicited is far more likely to remember the beginning and end of the conversation, and the memory of giving up information is far more likely to be remembered with less detail.

In a conversation, for example, you might start by discussing topics loosely related to the information you need to gather from someone. After this, you would narrow down the focus to the desired information you’re seeking. After eliciting the desired information, you can simply walk the conversation back to general topics about other things.

If I wanted to obtain information from someone about a past relationship, my plan might look like this:

• Discuss relationships in general

• Talk about a past relationship of my own

• Obtain the details of their relationship

• Redirect conversation to dating

• Talk about living in modern times with dating apps

I focused the conversation around general topics that are close to the sensitive topic I’d like to obtain information about.

This is in no way a requirement to use elicitation. You can use elicitation in almost any scenario without the Hourglass Method being necessary. The Hourglass Method should only be applied in instances where you need vital, sensitive information. Remember, elicitation is a technique to gather information, but it is far more effective than just an information-gathering tool; it produces an uncommon connection to the other person.

As someone realizes they are sharing more information than they normally do, there’s a switch in the brain that flips. This switch activates all kinds of connection, trust, and openness. Elicitation can do this all on its own.

We all have a few human traits that allow elicitation to work. Some of them we all share, and others you’ll find to be stronger in different people (more on that later).

Our need to feel like we’ve done a great job or have achieved something is often something we look to others to confirm. This need for recognition shows up in many ways.

We all tend to downplay compliments when we get them most times. Our responses to compliments and praise will often contain an explanation or admission. Compliments can be viewed as a digging tool. When someone receives a compliment, we typically will get more information from them instead of a ‘thank you.’

When we hear information that is inaccurate, and we know otherwise, we tend to immediately offer the correct information in response. In the example earlier, with the woman in the produce department in the grocery store, you saw a perfect example of this when we told her incorrect information.

We love talking about ourselves. Especially when someone is interested and engaging in conversation. Our stories, successes, skills, and desires are very important to us, and we tend to enjoy sharing these things with others. When someone is interested in our story, we share.

When someone is particularly interested, we open up. But when they begin to ask for advice about things, we’re knowledgeable about, we really open up! Our tendency to become excited and open when someone expresses a degree of naïveté about the subject of our expertise is hardwired.

When someone disagrees or doesn’t believe us, we will go to great lengths to make it right. We will offer up all kinds of information in defense of what we know or how we feel. Our knowledge and beliefs are two things we will defend with all we got—and all we got in most conversations is information. This trigger works exceedingly well when meeting new people, as you’ll see in the next section.

Let’s go over a few techniques you can use in just about every conversation you have. These techniques are great at getting the information you want, but they are even better at creating connections with others.

While the techniques that follow will seem like individual blocks that can snap together, they are much more fluid—they can be woven together to form longer statements or be used individually.

A provocative statement is any statement that provokes a response. For instance, if someone told you they worked in a medical facility, your response may be something like, “Wow. I bet that’s an interesting job.”

No doubt, you would get a response from them, and maybe even a descriptive story about how ‘interesting’ their job really is. Mission complete!

Provocative statements can take many forms. Any statement you make in response to someone’s words can serve as a provocative statement.

Client: “You wouldn’t believe it; three of my flights got delayed, and I was stuck in airports for almost a forty-eight-hour period. I had to miss Danielle’s birthday, and we missed a major contract with a pharmaceutical company in Boston because of it.”

In this example, the simple statement you made caused an outpouring of information. The client has given you a lot of information. All you did here was make a short, concise statement.

Person: “I’ve been watching the kids all week. It’s been hard to reach out.”

Person: “I don’t know what to do now. I got buried in email. Susan is supposed to be coming back on Friday, though.”

You: “I imagine you guys have to keep busy with all the storms coming in.”

Cashier: “It’s been insane recently; we’ve had to take extra shifts to fill the back of the store with stuff we probably won’t sell. They like to stock us up for the smallest storms, and we don’t have room in the back for all the food. Most of it ends up being thrown out. It’s sad.”

In this example, we stacked two provocative statements together to gain even more information.

Call center employee: “I can see your account, and I’ve made the changes you requested.”

Call center employee: “Yes. It’s pretty busy here. We work nine-hour shifts most of the time.”

Call center employee: “We get to pick our days, though. Most of the time, the phones are ringing non-stop. People call in a lot. Next time you call, you can press *22 and go straight to the front of the line if you like.”

In this example, the small connection you formed by getting them to talk paid off! As you move through the next technique, try to imagine how you can apply this in conversations to make it something you do automatically.

We have a human tendency to feel compelled to do something for someone if they do something for us. When someone shares something sensitive with us, it’s a little bit awkward if we don’t reciprocate with something similar.

If you’re in a conversation, and you share a personal problem you’re having with someone, the other person starts to feel an obligation to do the same.

If you wanted to get sensitive business information from someone, you’d need to use the Hourglass Method and discuss business and the company, in general, before using this technique, but the rest of the conversation might sound like this:

You: “...I just don’t get it. Our security staff are falling way behind. We have these barcode scanners for our employee ID cards that are supposed to unlock the main door to let you into the building, but I scanned a barcode on a candy bar a few weeks ago, and it let me in. People have even gotten in scanning their gym membership cards.”

Person: “Oh, man. That’s bad. We have a similar issue, our employee ID cards are yellow, and the security staff are so far away from the entrance that you could just wrap a Post-It note around your driver’s license, and they will buzz you right into the door.”

The person you’re speaking with feels almost compelled to tell a similar story or share something similar to what you’ve shared.

If you wanted to gain information about someone’s ex-partner, you might begin by talking about relationships and transition to a discussion about your ex-partner first, revealing personal information in the process. They would feel compelled to do the same.

In a sense, you’re not only giving the information so they feel compelled to share similar things, you’re giving the information out to give permission for them to be equally open in the conversation.

This technique also works in reverse. If someone tells you something particularly sensitive or private, you can do the same in order to make them feel as thorough there is a mutual exchange of information taking place.

We all like flattery, but that’s not the purpose of this technique. Flattery and compliments tend to activate our innate desire to appear humble. In our efforts to appear humble, we tend to spill more information than we otherwise would.

When someone dismisses a compliment or explains away something with self-effacement, they will reveal a deeper level of information with each flattery / compliment statement we make.

You: “That was a great job. It was easy to tell who led this whole thing.”

You: “No doubt, but I’m sure they realized who really brought it all together.”

Them: “They were the ones who did most of the work. We had a lot of setbacks too that most people don’t even see or hear about. We had to hire outside help from another state just to get it all done on time.”

As they continue to provide explanations in order to dismiss the compliment, more information flows.

While offering compliments is a great way to get information, it’s not recommended that you use this more than a few times, as it’s not socially-smart or even good conversation.

Driver: “Thanks. I try to keep it clean, but it’s hard with the hours I keep.”

Driver: “I try to keep it clean. I’m usually working nights and picking up drunk morons who occasionally vomit in here. I go to the local hospitals a lot too for pickups.”

Most of us don’t complain to strangers. But when we do, it’s freeing. We get to vent to someone and often don’t realize how much information we are providing to them.

When we use elicitation to get someone to complain, we can also identify their negative GHT (Gestural Hemispheric Tendency) side. This outpouring of information also serves to create connection, as the person sees genuine empathy and is able to speak to you in ways they don’t typically speak to others.

Let’s examine how we can use the other techniques of elicitation to elicit complaints from someone.

If we went with a provocative statement, we could simply comment on the negative aspects of something they might be likely to complain about. If you were in an Uber and made a comment such as, “I bet you guys don’t get much of the money paid through the app,” you’re very likely going to get lots of information about their income and complaints about the company in general.

If we decided to use the Citations Method, we could comment that we heard something from a friend or read something negative in an article. We could even say we read something very positive in order to have them correct us, triggering the need to correct the record.

Person: “It’s been tough. We get assigned all kinds of shifts, but they are never the same, so I have to rearrange daycare at the beginning of every week when the schedule comes out.”

Using a simple provocative statement, you were able to get them to open more than they ever have to a customer. With one more provocative statement as a follow up, you opened the gates even wider.

You: “I just read online that people have been leaving the company a lot.”

Employee: “Yeah, I think the management has made some bad decisions with staffing. Our hotel doesn’t even have a manager right now.”

You: “Wow. I had no idea. The article said most of the employees who left went to another hotel chain.”

Employee: “I don’t doubt it. They probably went to Marriott. They are well-known for treating their people well. It’s not that bad, but there’s not much we can do if we work the front desk. Would you like an upgrade?”

Using two similar techniques of Citation, we were able to develop a much faster bond; as the person complained a bit, they felt like they were able to voice their opinion. Since you were the one there to hear it, it feels like a good connection that developed organically.

When we went through the example of the grocery store employee and obtaining her income, this is what was used.

When we cite or reference something we saw, heard, or read about, we are using citations. This helps to elicit information because it allows someone to fulfill the desire to correct the record or offer additional information.

If you’re speaking to someone who works in a bank, and you’d like to figure out when a new branch is opening, you should use Citations. You might simply tell them you read somewhere online that they will be opening the new branch of the bank in November. In reply, they’re likely to correct you. You might get a response such as, “Oh! Actually, it’s going to be a lot sooner. It’s set to open in June as of now.”

• You’d like to start a conversation with an A/C repair person about how much they charge compared to other companies.

You: “I was just looking online last night, and I saw this article that said so many repair companies compete on pricing, and a lot of them have lower prices for smaller jobs to build relationships with homeowners.”

In response, you will probably hear a lot about their opinions on that, and they will most likely discuss the pricing in their own company.

• You are in sales and looking to establish how much your competition offered to perform services to your client.

You: “I’ve just heard from a few folks that they got offered a gig to work with them for about 13,000.”

If the information is inaccurate, the client will most likely correct the record and set you straight. If it’s accurate, they will confirm it and offer even more information about the offer.

• You’re on a first date, and you’d like to find out how often the other person does this kind of thing. You’ll want to offer up a huge number in order for them to appear much ‘better’ than the people who go on first dates all the time.

You: “It’s crazy. I just read something recently that said most men in the US go on an average of twelve first dates before they find someone, they are happy with.”

In their response, they will likely spill their own habits. Instead of twelve, they might admit to their own dating experiences and how often they go on first dates.

When someone mentions what they do, where they work, where they live, or almost anything else, we have an opportunity to reflect a bit of understanding and connection.

When we hear our words and ideas reflected by someone we are speaking to, a connection forms, and we get more information.

There are two main methods for this. The first is the Verbal Mirror technique taught by the FBI. In this technique, when someone speaks, the final few words (usually the final three), are the most important. When they finish a statement or question, repeat the final three words.

Prospect: “I really think we could do this deal if I was able to get the full package.”

Prospect: “Yes. I mean the order, deliveries, and the follow up all in one custom offer.”

We obtained more information and a crystal-clear picture of what the client was actually looking for. It flowed more easily from their lips because they weren’t being asked specific questions, and they were able to clarify exactly what they needed to make the deal happen.

Suspect: “Yes. They continued to throw everything out the window to get rid of it. Johnny still has a lot of the drugs in his house, though.”

Simple repetition made more information flow out of the suspect in this example. The final few words are often the most important when someone is speaking. All we need to do is say them back. Whether it’s in statement-form or question-form doesn’t matter. If you go back to those examples, you could change all of the question marks to periods, and it would still cause a very similar verbal reaction from the person across the table.

The second way you can perform this is to repeat the general theme of what you’ve heard instead of specific words. I’ve seen the best results from my trainees when they use Theme Repetition, followed by a provocative statement. To do this, simply reflect back to the theme of what was just said, followed right away by a provocative statement.

In this example you reflected a general theme back to the person and used a provocative statement to elicit further information. You would have likely gotten a lot more information and possibly complaints from the doctor seated beside you.

Woman: “There are so many reasons I love keeping bees. They are the best employees I’ve ever had.”

In the simplest form, you reflected back the theme of her statement in a single word and followed it with a provocative statement.

Client: “I’ve been working in the oil industry for fifteen years. I’ve seen a whole lot.”

As the man put the emphasis on fifteen years, you noticed that was the important part of his statement. You repeated the theme of that back with two words. Those two words would usually suffice to draw more information out, but the provocative statement ensures it.

This technique is nothing short of magic. It works in almost unlimited situations and creates a massive opening for the person to speak and offer up more information. There is one drawback, however. Using it too much can cause the conversation to be awkward. Let them be a part of the elicitation toolkit as a whole, instead of a single go-to technique.

When we are proud of something and meet someone who’s interested in it, it’s hard to resist the urge to educate them a bit. When using naïveté, we have to consider three factors:

The urge to educate others lies within all of us. When you apply these three principles, the elicitation will be much stronger, and the flow of information is virtually limitless.

Person: “I actually wrote my thesis on the fish population; how they are dwindling over time.”

You: “That’s absolutely fascinating. I have always been really interested in learning about that. Granted, I literally know next to nothing about it.”

Employee: “I’ve been working around the clock on this Excel spreadsheet. I think the formulas I put into the financial columns are going to blow your mind.”

You: “That’s awesome. Thanks. I’ve always wanted to know how all of that stuff works. It’s fascinating. I can barely copy and paste into those things.”

Client: “...Yeah, I’ve been a videographer for most of my life now. I’ve got several films under my belt.”

You: “How incredible! I have always wanted to know how that all works. It’s so interesting to me. I can barely make a movie on my phone!”

This one is tough. When criticized, the person you’re speaking to may feel compelled to provide information in defense of the situation.

Criticism isn’t usually directly about the person; it can be about a topic around the current situation, the company they work for, or even someone they know. When you offer criticism, it should be indirect. The criticism is only designed to make someone feel the need to justify or clarify something by providing you with information.

You: “It’s really a shame so many people don’t open up and just be themselves.”

Using this technique, not only will they agree with you, they will give you information on their thoughts. As a second bonus, they will also make a silent, unconscious agreement to be more open during the conversation.

You: “I hear so many people tell me that these cars don’t last that long.”

Salesman: “Wow. I don’t hear that often. They actually have a wonderful track record. I will admit that last year, there were a lot of recalls, and they took a hit in the market for it. But this year’s model is upgraded from that, and our service department has parts on hand for any anticipated recalls that might be coming this year.”

You: “Well. That’s good, but the expected issues this year are all different from what I’ve heard. They aren’t the same issues.”

Salesman: “True. But the steering wheel thing isn’t major, and the airbag deployment issue is expected to be resolved within the next few months.”

By simply using two complaints, you were able to uncover quite a bit of valuable information.

Sometimes, in order to soften the severity of the complaint, you can reference someone else. Instead of the complaint coming from you, you are able to remove it to a third party. In the example above, we cited an article in order for the complaint to be more casually mentioned and indirect.

You can also use the ‘someone told me’ or ‘I heard from a friend that...’ to soften complaints.

A range is sometimes better than single digits. When you need numbers, such as dates, times, ages, etc., you can give a range and let someone ‘correct the record.’ Instead of saying a single number to trigger the need to correct the record, sometimes a range of numbers will do.

Let’s step back to the produce woman example and examine how that would sound:

You: “I just read an article that all the employees here got bumped up to somewhere between 21 and 29 dollars per hour. That’s fantastic!”

The range of numbers might be more likely to trigger a response from someone.

You: “I heard you guys were going to be doing like 12-17 deals this month.”

You: “I read somewhere that the company is going to be moving operations out of California next summer.”

Them: “Not next summer. It’s going to be a lot sooner than that for sure. Probably February.”

You: “So, we’re mostly hearing there was about 10 to 14 grams of the substance in the car.”

You: “I’ve read so many things saying you guys get between 3,000 to 5,000 over invoice on your vehicles.”

When we provide a range, people can be more likely to give us the accurate number. The range of numbers we offer up is undefined and non-distinct, making the other person more likely to want to give you something more concrete.

This might be one of the most powerful elicitation techniques out there. When we express disbelief in response to something, people will typically offer even more information to help us understand or to convince us.

The Disbelief technique works because, as humans, we tend to want to be believed. When someone expresses any kind of doubt, we feel compelled to open the floodgates of information so that we can set the record straight, convince someone it’s as bad as we say it is, or explain in more detail.

You: “There’s no way you guys are making a profit with just online sales. It’s so hard with the economy right now.”

You: “That sounds amazing, but everyone is struggling; you guys had to take some losses.”

Client: “Actually, we are hiring new people. We just wrapped this quarter with three million in gross.”

The client offered more information either because they thought you didn’t believe it, or you didn’t have enough data to form a belief in the first place. Either way, you elicited a lot of valuable information.

You: “What? I’ve seen him on television; he seems like the nicest person in the world. There’s no way that many people would dislike him.”

Person: “It’s worse than you think. He’s a totally different person when there aren’t cameras around. He was an asshole.”

You: “There’s no way I would believe he’s rude to people. He seems so nice.”

Person: “You have no idea. He even punched an intern in the face once. Got swept under the rug, ’cause they didn’t want a legal battle. They are holding that against him if he goes public against the company.”

Stacking disbelief works to uncover more information. And you’ve probably noticed that there are provocative statements woven into many of these techniques here. Those add power to the disbelief method, making the person more likely to respond not only to the disbelief but the statement as well, giving you even more information.

With what seems like a simple method, you’d be absolutely amazed at the results you can get from people using these. They don’t have to be used in order, and they can be applied anywhere. In less than a nine-minute drive using a rideshare app, I showed one of my clients that I was able to use all of these techniques in a short period of time. The information that came forth from our driver was remarkable, extremely personal, and even contained information about the company we probably shouldn’t be hearing about. In the next chapter, we’ll take a close look at how to surgically analyze hidden information in language that exposes hidden fears, drives, and even the exact words someone needs to hear to make decisions.

What technique would be best to get someone to talk about their company’s revenue?

How would you use disbelief to make a police officer tell you more about the things she’s seen on the job?

CHAPTER 8: