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Abraham Maslow even made a pyramid for it. The Maslow Hierarchy of Needs illustrates what us human need to live and be happy:

In a business sense, the higher-level needs have a much more powerful influence over our behavior than the ones toward the bottom of the list. Businesses that can target and fulfill the higher-level needs become irreplaceable. Once the base needs are met, the customer will continue to strive for the next need. This is how customer loyalty is created.

In the 6MX process, the social and physical needs don’t play a major role in most of our conversations, and we need to look for other indicators that provide real-time results when we identify them.

While it likely won’t stand up to academic scrutiny, I believe there is a vast difference between academic-based and results-based skills. The needs map you’re going to learn here is the result of twenty years of research and instruction in teaching elite groups of influencers how to speed-read people they communicate with.

The Human Needs Map© is a tool to identify the social needs of someone, not just what they need physically. So many of our decisions are made within the mammalian brain that the social needs drive more of our behavior than we are aware of.

If you’re able to identify someone’s social needs, you have access to far more information than you might imagine. The social needs—what we need from other people—reveal the drives of our behavior and even some of our most secret fears. In almost any conversation, you should be able to identify social needs within the first two minutes. Six minutes is a worst-case-scenario. People reveal so much about themselves in the first few minutes of conversation that I think you may be shocked.

There are six needs on the Needs Map: three primary drives and three secondary drives. Almost anyone you speak to will have one primary need and one secondary need. Keep in mind none of these needs indicate anything bad about anyone. We are all equally ‘messed up’ in our own way.

The three primary needs are significance, approval, and acceptance. Each of these represents a question the person is asking, their hidden fears, and behavioral indicators of each need.

This need is a desire to feel significant and is confirmed by the behaviors of others around them.

The significance-driven person is internally asking, ‘Do others view me as significant and making an impact?’

The need for significance shows itself in people who behave in ways that tend to make the most impact on those around them. They will typically speak about their accomplishments, impact on their community, and the way they have contributed to their workplace or family. Will be drawn toward projects, activities, and tasks that make them stand out from the crowd, become more memorable, or create a way for them to deviate from the norm in order to be seen as an outlier.

• Openly conveying wealth

• Novel and distinctive facial hair

• Showing musculature

• Clothing showing musculature

• Showing cleavage

• Focus conversations on themselves

• Status symbols—watches, cars, clothing, brands

• Want to be first to make decisions in a group—leading the charge

• Latest model of mobile phone or computers

The significance need is something that is relatively easy to spot in almost any conversation. Later, we will go through a few examples to illustrate how easy they are to spot.

The approval-needs people we speak to are looking for permission and recognition. They will typically make comments that are self-deprecating in order for you to offer approval in return. You might hear something like, ‘I don’t know if I can do the presentation today; I suck at public speaking.’ They say this in order to hear something along the lines of, ‘No, you don’t! You did a great job last time, and you need to stop doubting yourself!’

We’ve all met these people, and we all know a few of them at work or within our family. We will get into how these play into persuasive communication in a bit.

‘Do others provide me with recognition, allowing me to move forward with confidence?’

Will perform several acts in order to seek approval from others. They will change their position in order to gain approval when someone disapproves of their views. Will typically ask permission to do things when it isn’t needed. Will often coerce people into giving them compliments in order to feel good.

• Rigidness

• Commonly feel impostor syndrome

• Derive strength from professional success

• More formally dressed or a notch above the rest of the crowd

• Standing out to compensate for impostor syndrome

• Frequent competition participation, regardless of the type

• More inclined to seek singular romantic partners

• Will carry medicine or things to give to others

• Will eat or drink beverages they don't like

• Less likely to complain to employees of restaurants

• Less likely to send food back

• Less likely to argue or request refunds

• Overtly pays compliments

• Will be self-deprecating in order to hear someone tell them they are wrong

The acceptance-needs people we speak to are concerned with membership, groups, tribes, teams, and connections. These are the people who get tattoos that show membership in groups, they will have bumper stickers that show they belong to organizations and will talk about things that indicate the associations they are a member of.

These subjects will exhibit behaviors that draw appreciation and benefit others. They are interested in actively contributing to the well-being of those around them. Will show need for social acceptance through conformity (even if it is feigned). These subjects will be drawn to activities that help others, such as volunteering, cooking, helping animals, and participating in protests for things they believe in.

• Prone to membership of all types

• Easily swayed—ideal cult members

• Biker gangs, fitness groups, fitness teams

• Attracted to careers that help others, like cooking, healthcare, and therapy

• More likely to have multiple pets

• Will change appearance to suit (please) the environment they are in

• Less likely to have eccentric or unique identity formed and developed

• Smaller dogs as common pets

• Strong sense of community

• Wears shirts that indicate membership, tribes

• Returns all eyebrow flashes

• More likely to do favors for others

• Will move out of the way as others approach on the street

The intelligence-needs people will discuss things that allow you to notice how educated or intelligent they are. From what they wrote their thesis on in college to large dictionary words and phrases to show their intellectual prowess, you’ll hear information that regularly draws your attention back to their intelligence and smarts.

These subjects have a need to be seen as intelligent and will exhibit behaviors that allude to their intellectual prowess or education. They will speak about their education, expertise, and how they have assisted others in their endeavors using their intellect. Tying their need to feel intelligent to your goal helps them to automatically align their needs with yours. Ensure compliance by acknowledging their need for power – make them feel like they’re the one in charge initially or compliment their leadership.

• Break patterns and norms

• More likely to be sexually deviant (legally)

• Less effort into appearance than others

• Bowties

• Shirts advertising their university

• College rings after the age of 25

• Deliberately enhanced vernacular

• Asking if you know things, they know you don't

• Over-emphasizes the intellectual aspect of stories

We all know a few of these people. They will complain about stuff all the time. From traffic jams and weather, to ‘that thing’ that happened to them a long time ago. Keep in mind that they are asking for you to confirm that they have it bad or that they are in unique circumstances not many others are facing.

Pity subjects seek pity, sympathy, or comisery. They will discuss pitfalls, tragedy, misfortune, and annoyances to gain sympathy or support from others. They will express this through stories or conversations wherein they complain about being victimized or having ‘bad luck.’ Confirming the severity of their condition is the fastest way to build rapport. It’s best to follow their complaints with a brief pause before responding, so they feel understood and fully ‘heard.’

• Typically unhealthy appearance

• Hunched posture

• Visible disapproval on the face

• Prone to bad health

• Attraction of abusive partners—stay with them longer

• Frequently stressed appearance

• Visible reaction to the tiniest pain

• Broken heart tattoos

• Lots of tattoos (I have a story to tell)

• Medical or non-medical marijuana (shirts, talking about it, leaf shape on bags, etc.)

The Strength/Power needs people have is a dichotomy: There are highs and lows. On the high-end, we are likely to see people who strive to lead companies, teams, and processes. Their social choices are all governed by a need to be seen as a good leader or a powerful CEO. They find themselves in these positions not because they are the best fit (most of the time), but because they have spent a long time behaving in ways to be seen as a leader by others. On the low-end, you’ll see the person who may have been bullied. They will over-posture, speak louder than necessary, and take actions to remind people that others have less power than they do.

‘Do others see me as powerful and strong?’ / ‘Do others think I make a difference?’

Strength and power-needs subjects don’t need power. They need to FEEL powerful. This need is primarily fear-based. Strength-needs subjects will display their power in various ways in conversation and in their lives. From stories about toughness under fire to speaking about their individual power over their environment, they are trying to communicate their strength so that they can be SEEN as powerful. This is the ‘tough guy,’ the ‘badass,’ and the ‘rebel.’

• Obvious display of musculature through clothing

• Deliberate loudness or volume

• Exaggerated posture

• Exaggerated arm movement

• Fight brands like Tap Out, etc.

• Large dogs—aggressive breeds

• Avoids most eye contact during regular activities

• Makes more aggressive eye contact if challenged or threatened

• Aggressive behaviors such as over-posturing and rudeness to store employees

• Heavy metal or death metal listening

• Creates chances to talk about overcoming challenges

• Discusses how they got one over on big companies or high-level people

• Overly concerned with status and social pecking orders

You will be surprised when you hear how often you’ve missed key insights into someone’s psychology. If this was the only technique you took from the book, your life would still drastically change. When we know what internal questions someone is consistently asking when they interact with people, our language can adapt to what they need to feel and hear.

Within the first few minutes of conversation, especially now that you know exactly how to elicit information, you’ll hear people expose their deepest internal drives to you without even knowing it. Let’s examine a few phrases and see if you can identify the needs being exposed in each of them.

“I’ve been working in this industry for over two decades...”: Significance

“Here’s the main reason I’m the go-to resource for those people...”: Intelligence / Significance

“There’s no reason we can’t work together; our team would be a great fit.”: Acceptance

“How the hell can these idiots be in charge?”: Intelligence (use of the word idiots as a derogatory remark about others)

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it all done; I’m overwhelmed.” Pity/approval

“I’ve actually read a lot of books on that. What you need to do is...”: Intelligence

“Everyone there has to go through me in order to approve anything.”: Significance

“I’ve only got three days to get this done, and it’s a week-long project.”: Pity

“I can’t make it; I actually have a motorcycle rally in Orlando that weekend.”: Acceptance

“I’m a cancer researcher, but it’s gotten so boring. Same thing every day.”: Intelligence

“Well, I’m a full-time bartender, but I have a YouTube channel with 3 million subscribers.”: Significance

These are all things we would hear in conversations on a daily basis. It’s amazing when I teach this to people to see their reactions, discovering how much they have been missing. But this is only the beginning. You’re about to discover something incredible: once you can identify someone’s needs, everything changes—you’ll reveal a lot more about them than you ever thought possible.

We are all on the needs map somewhere. Sometimes, in different conversations, we may express conflicting needs. You’ve no doubt met the badass CEO who you just know turns into a helpless baby when he gets a fever around his wife. At work, he’s Significance, at home, he’s Pity.

When you identify needs in a conversation, you’ve identified precisely what they need in this social interaction. This is also the largest, and most effective, lever you can pull to persuade and influence their decisions. You know more about their decision processes than most of their close friends and family now.

Since needs are so tied into social behavior, and social behavior is tied directly into our core sense of survival, these needs are pretty strong forces that are at work in the background every day. Each of them carries hidden fear—rooted in tens of millions of years of evolution.

Let’s examine the list of needs and expose what fears these people secretly (and likely unconsciously) harbor that drives their behavior. Keep in mind, these fears aren’t a word-for-word script but more of a theme that governs them socially.

• Significance - abandonment, social ridicule, being ignored, feeling small

• Approval - dismissal, disapproval, contempt, feeling left out

• Acceptance - social criticism, gossip, peer mismatch

• Intelligence - being seen as dumb, being questioned, being ‘called out’

• Pity - being disregarded, ignored, misunderstood, being disbelieved

• Strength - being “punked,” disrespected, unacknowledged, challenged

Don’t let the size of the list above fool you. Whether you’re in a sales office, a courtroom, or an interrogation room, the list above illustrates the precise reasons you will fail to get compliance or the reason the person will choose to comply.

There is no such thing as B2B sales, interrogation, or persuasion in the courtroom; they are all H2H scenarios—human-to-human. It’s a social situation between humans that relies heavily on communication, observation, and influence.

You’re an attorney involved in a high-stakes case. You’ve profiled the opposing counsel’s client and identified them as a Significance and Intelligence need. You immediately know their fears on the stand revolve around social ridicule and being questioned or challenged. As you stand to cross-examine the opposing counsel’s client, your questions are sharper than ever and designed to surgically create emotional reactions. You know exactly how to ask the questions in a way that reflects the person’s needs.

You’re closing a high-level sales deal worth 3.8 million dollars. You’ve identified your client as Acceptance and Strength on the Needs Map. Within minutes, you’re able to understand that the reasons they want to buy are related to family, friends, and how the purchase will make them seem like a badass to others. You also know the fears of buying will revolve around people talking bad about him behind his back, social criticism, and being disrespected. Those are the key reasons he may choose not to buy. You’re able to highlight the deal in a way to reflect the positive aspects of his needs and avoid the unconscious fears he’s wrestling with.

This is one of the most powerful tools I’ve created in my life, and I intended to keep it as a government-only tool for interrogations. If you harness this power and get comfortable with identifying needs quickly in conversations, you’ve achieved a level of behavioral skill that not even 99% of psychologists even get training for.

These fears are a lot like little programs that run in the background of your computer. The only difference is that it’s next to impossible to open your brain’s ‘admin settings’ and turn them off or delete them. They are so rooted in our biology that they are as forceful as our drive to procreate, except they run in the background, governing our decisions.

The Human Needs Map is more than it seems. I’d like to convince you of that now. You’ve already witnessed how powerful it is at identifying fear and insecurity. But it still carries a power you may not have realized. Let’s talk about chemicals.

Neuropeptides are made inside the brain. They are short sequences of amino acids that are coexpressed with neurotransmitters. Essentially, they look like a little twisted paper clip—made out of protein.

They play a major role in behavior, addiction, and habits. These little guys, when they are released from the nervous system, flood through the body, and attach to cells. Our cells have little ‘receptor sites’ on them that I like to envision look like a docking station on a spaceship.

The receptors can only receive a specific neuropeptide, however. If a different neuropeptide tries to dock into a receptor site that isn’t designed for it, it just won’t fit.

Let’s pretend, just for a moment, that each of the human needs above are associated with a certain neuropeptide. In the beginning, the surface of our cells has receptor sites on them that can receive all the needs: strength, intelligence, significance, pity, etc.

If someone is a Pity need, they will seek situations and interactions that flood them with specific Pity neuropeptide chemicals. Those little proteins will go to the cells and dock into all of the Pity receptors.

However, over time, the person continues to only seek out the ‘Pity’ neuropeptides. So, all the receptors for the other needs get almost no attention. What ends up happening is that they see the Pity receptors getting all the attention and decide to rebuild themselves into a Pity receptor so they can get in on all the action.

Receptor sites will rebuild themselves in order to receive what the person is always seeking out.

This means, over time, the cells adapt to this person’s behavior, and cells become more and more covered with these Pity receptors.

For a moment, let’s pause and think about the process of drug-addiction. The same thing happens. As the cells become dependent on a specific chemical, they get upset when it’s not coming in. The receptor sites are multiplying, increasing the need for the chemical to be released—more and more often.

The human needs operate in the same way. They become a chemical addiction. When the body isn’t getting them, the cells scream at the brain, “Make something happen to get these chemicals!”

The person who is a Pity need may go a day or two without these chemicals. His body begins to scream at him, begging him to get the chemicals. Since these are social needs, he’s got to find someone to confirm his pity. When he takes a break from his desk, walks to the break room, and complains about something to a coworker, he’s met with a full-body release of chemicals.

In order for him to get the chemicals his body is demanding of him; he has to manufacture a scenario where someone confirms how bad he’s had it. The complaints get better and better over time, and he discovers new ways to get the chemicals through tragedy, complaints, being victimized, etc.

This brings us to our secret fifth law of human behavior: Everyone is a drug addict. We all just have different drugs.

Our job is to discover these needs, as it shows us what will cause a chemical response.

Now that we’re able to identify the needs, we know what will cause a flood of hundreds of millions of neuropeptides to come to life.

We tend to want to tell people they shouldn’t feel bad if they complain; if someone is over posturing and obnoxious, we’d like to put them in their place.

Imagine your response to someone in your office complaining about something petty. Your initial desire may be to tell them to ‘shut up,’ or remind them of all the things they have to be grateful for. But none of these responses create comfort, openness, or connection with them. The chemicals do.

You’ve been tasked with interrogating a man for aggravated assault. After hearing this, and a cursory glance through his social media activity, you determine he is a Strength need individual. Other interrogators like to go into the room and remind the suspect who’s in charge, but you know better. Doing that would cause an immediate wall to be built between the two of you. Instead, you opt for going into the interrogation room with a calm demeanor, making him feel like he’s more powerful initially. He relaxes, as he thinks he’s in charge, and you’re able to get a confession within minutes. Everyone calls you ‘lucky.’

You meet a new prospect interested in buying a high-ticket product. She walks into your office and has a necklace featuring four kid-shaped charms hanging from it. She also mentions that she’s a member of the local chamber of commerce. You immediately identify her need for Acceptance, and your language when you pitch your product is tailored to this need and away from the associated fears of social problems within her group. The other salespeople call you ‘lucky.’

As a psychotherapist, you’re introduced to a new patient who suffers from an eating disorder. She tells you she’s ‘not good’ at several sports in high school and twice asks if it’s okay to grab a tissue from the box beside her. You identify her right away as an Approval need, and provide her reassurance, and instead of giving her advice, you focus on permission. You know her disorder may be rooted in the Approval fears of being left out and unrecognized. Her therapy goes exceedingly well, and the other therapists congratulate you on having an ‘easy’ patient.

By no means does the Needs Map© illustrate all human needs. It simply shows us which social needs someone is expressing, and gives you a firm grip on the most effective lever of persuasive speech and communication.

It’s a sobering thought – all of us are drug addicts to some extent. When you identify the Needs, someone is showing you in a conversation, you’ve identified a lot more than a location on a short list. Their entire psychology is laid open for examination; revealing their social fears that not even their families know about. Identifying needs comes at a price; you’ll see people differently at first, and you’ll begin to notice everyone covering up some kind of suffering. At first, it might feel like you’re misreading the situation, but you aren’t. In fact, everyone is suffering and insecure at times. How we cover the suffering up is one of the ways that enable you to identify Needs.

The Needs Map shows us what someone is seeking on a social level. In the next chapter, we are going even deeper; I’m going to show you what I thought I would never reveal to the public; The Decision Map. This will reveal the hidden patterns we all have that govern how we all make choices; from buying a car to deciding who to date.

We already know how important it is to spot behavioral indicators of those we speak to. Identifying someone’s locus of control will help you to avoid conversational pitfalls that could cost you a loss of ‘behavioral capital’.

Locus of control refers to how much people believe they, as opposed to external forces, are in control of the outcome of someone’s life. People with an internal locus of control tend to view themselves as being in control of their lives. People who have an external locus of control tend to view their lives as being controlled or decided by external factors such as other people, their environment, or ‘fate.’

Does someone typically attribute their successes and failures to chance, luck, and circumstances, or skill, talent, or personal behavior?

These people tend to blame others rather than themselves for what happens in their lives. These people tend to believe they have less control over their fate. Surprisingly, these people are less likely to suffer from clinical depression.

People with an internal locus of control tend to view themselves as being in charge of their own fate. They are also more prone to stress and depression, however. There are studies that even suggest that these people are more likely to enjoy success and achievement in their lives.

Locus of control can affect many aspects of our lives. People suffering from some medical conditions, for instance, are more likely to attribute these conditions to their choices or their genetics based on their locus of control. People who gamble are also more likely to be external-locus people, as internal-locus folks are less likely to take risks at a casino than their internal-focused counterparts.

In many studies, it has also been found that Republicans are far more likely to have an internal locus of control, and democrats will more often share an external locus of control.¹

In behavioral psychology, the most widely used tool to assess a person’s locus of control is called the 13-Item Forced-Choice Scale². This assessment contains questions to assess locus of control, but this is still fairly easy to assess in conversation within the first few minutes. The questions on the Forced-Choice Scale contain two-question choices that force a participant to choose one. Some examples are:

When we hear people speak about almost anything, they will show us their locus of control. If we encounter someone with an internal locus of control and continue to talk about luck, chance, or fate, for example, we may lose them. When I prepare law firms for trials, this is a vital piece of information they need to know when they are selecting their jury. If you’re wanting a jury to side with a big company who’s up against a lazy person suing them for spilling hot coffee on themselves, you’ll want a jury with an internal locus of control; people who believe their lives are in their own hands. Someone who thinks reading a ‘Caution! Contents are HOT!’ label isn’t necessary for intelligent people.

If you’re selecting employees in job interviews, you know that people who have an internal locus of control are more likely to be

If someone complains about how often they get sick, what Need are they showing you? What would their social fear be in that situation? What do you think their locus of control would be?

If your boss is Significance and Power/Strength, how would you approach a conversation where you needed to persuade him? Would you ensure you remained dominant to remind him he’s not as powerful as he thinks, or would you give him what he needs (a rush of chemicals)? What would this boss’ locus of control be?

CHAPTER 9: