PRONOUN IDENTIFICATION
The second skill you’ll develop with language analysis is pronoun identification. When we speak, we tend to reveal how we think in more ways than our sensory preference. When you identify which pronouns someone uses, you can begin speaking ‘their’ language. I use the word pronoun here loosely. It’s not just pronouns we’re looking for, but the style of communication.
There are three categories of pronouns:
The self-pronoun-users will speak mostly about themselves and use those pronouns in their speech. This doesn’t make them selfish or self-absorbed. It simply means this is the way they think and communicate.
Team-pronoun-users will use words that refer to communities. Words such as we, they, us, and our will fill their language. Which of the Six Pillars would you guess these people are? What about the Needs Map?
Others-pronoun-users are less common, making up, in my estimation, around 20% of the population. These people will focus their language on people outside of their groups. Their language will focus on meeting new people, networking, and travel to novel places.
Let’s look at a few examples of pronoun-users. Imagine asking a friend how they like their new job. What would each pronoun-person sound like?
SELF PRONOUNS
“I love it! I’ve got a corner office, my medical benefits are way better than my last company, and I get along with the boss really well. I don’t think I’ve worked anywhere better in my life. I’ve even got my own parking spot there!”
TEAM PRONOUNS
“Everyone there is really great! We all have our own offices, thank God. The entire team there gets along really well, and everyone even has their own parking spots. It’s so easy to communicate with everyone there - so much better than the other company. They even all go out on Thursdays for margaritas!”
OTHERS PRONOUNS
“Man, that company is awesome. Great bunch of people for sure. I get to travel a lot, and it’s a lot of fun being in new cities all the time. The company even funds these networking dinners where we get to meet our counterparts in the other company. It’s been really good so far. Lots of good people there. I could totally introduce you.”
What if you asked someone you know about a vacation they recently went on?
SELF PRONOUNS
“It was really great. I had a wonderful time. I really didn’t want to come back. I mostly spent my time on the beach, and I went to a few museums.”
TEAM PRONOUNS
“We had a blast! My wife and I really didn’t want to come back. We spent most of our time on the beach, and we went to a few museums.”
OTHERS PRONOUNS
“It was fantastic. I met so many people. On this tour, I sat next to a group of stock advisors who are actually from here. At the hotel one evening, I ran into a woman in the hotel bar one evening who does advanced Microsoft Excel and could really help on this project...”
Example: (sales)
You’ve watched a younger salesperson speak to a client. The client used Self pronouns the entire conversation. As your salesperson explains the benefits of the product, you hear them explaining the benefits in terms of Team pronouns; discussing family, coworkers, and social circle of the client. You’re able to coach them right away and change the course of their career (and life).
Example: (business)
Your new employee comes into your office to discuss an issue they’re having; they aren’t getting along with someone they’ve been paired with for a project. The new employee says they seem to disagree on all of the issues facing the client-facing portion of a new system. You hear the new employee use ‘Others’ pronouns throughout their discussion and already know the other employee is a Self-pronoun user. After bringing them both into the room, you are able to bring their attention to this and resolve the issue; pointing out that each of them views things through a different lens.
KNOWLEDGE CHECKPOINT
Identify the pronoun type for the following short sentences:
SUMMARY
Identifying pronoun usage isn’t just a tool to identify which words you need to use when speaking to someone. This technique also gives you a window into how they view the world. When you hear which pronouns people use most, you’re getting a behavioral data point that will change your future communication with that person.
When addressing a larger group, you now know that you will need to present information in such a way as to speak to all three types of pronoun users. The people in that larger audience will be a mix of all of them; Self, Team, and Others pronoun-users.
Already, you can hear more than anyone you know. Everyone you speak to reveals personality and behavioral traits through their language.
In the next chapter, I’ll cover another powerful way to listen between the lines. Coming up, I’ll show you a powerful method that makes language irresistibly persuasive, but only when you know how to listen for it.