HOW COMPLIANCE WORKS
Compliance works in humans the same way it does in all animals. Repetition, reward, and pain.
If someone has spent several minutes following our behavior and train of thought, chances are that this behavior will continue. If they made an agreement at the beginning of a conversation to behave a certain way, they are likely to stick to it.
While this isn’t a book on persuasion per se, I’d like to show you a technique you can use immediately to gain more compliance from people. It relies on a simple principle; people who follow physically in a conversation will follow mentally.
At the beginning of the conversation, you have a critical time window to get someone to begin following your behavior and movement. If you’re able to establish this early, you will have set a pattern of nonverbal compliance that remains totally unconscious in the person (or group) you’re speaking with.
Imagine you’re just being introduced to someone, as you move to shake their hand, and they reach to yours, you take a ten-inch step to your right or left. This small movement causes the other person to have to make a tiny adjustment; shifting the direction their shoulders are facing. You moved, they followed, it was unconscious.
A minute later, as you’re speaking with this person, you move again. This time a little greater distance. Let’s imagine you step a foot or two to the right as if you were simply adjusting your position. The person you’re speaking with will make a small shift in which direction they are facing. This small movement continues the chain of unconscious nonverbal leadership that you have created.
As they begin to tell you about a hobby, or something they are interested in, they are searching your face for signs that you share a similar excitement about their topic. In these moments, when someone is discussing something, they are passionate about, they are more prone to follow your behaviors. When this happens, imagine you took a small step back of maybe a foot. This ‘social vacuum’ that you created will be filled when the person steps slightly forward to compensate for the space you created.
This happens most often during these times because the person is telling you about something that interests them. They are most vulnerable to follow movement in these times.
This is an introductory look at what I call a ‘compliance wedge.’ In our more advanced courses and books, this continues escalating in conversations for one core reason; if we’ve been following small behaviors for several minutes, our brains adapt this pattern to our thoughts and ideas as well. If we are physically following someone, our brains quickly learn to do the same psychologically.
We’ve spent a lot of time in this book discussing how to see what’s going on inside the mind by looking at the outer body of people. However, the reverse is just as powerful. Physical movements have a dramatic effect on our perceptions and moods.
Sitting up straight, for example, makes it easier to feel confident. Slouching makes it more difficult. When our bodies are primed for something, the mind follows much easier.
In more advanced training, one key lesson I teach to interrogators, clinicians, and salespeople alike is a technique called ‘agreement prep.’
None of us get excited and make big decisions while we’re leaning back in a chair, exhibiting a disinterested posture. Of course, we lean in! If the body isn’t displaying signs of decision-making or excitement, it’s not time to close the sale. The rule of thumb in this technique is to never ask someone to do something big while their back is touching a chair. But how could you make someone lean in?
Getting someone to lean forward is easy. If they are leaned back or physically showing signs of disinterest, you can hand them a pen, a glass of water, or even slide a paper across the table to them in a way that forces them to lean forward in order to read it. Once their back is off the chair, guess what you’ll do next?
You’ve got all the verbal stuff handled, and you know exactly how to speak to them, and you’ve noticed every instance of which topics and key points made their behavior relax and show interest. You know precisely how to structure every single part of the conversation. Not only will it resonate with them, but you’re also going to manufacture the same nonverbal signals of agreement when you bring those topics back up, no matter how briefly you decide to do it. Before we get into the scenarios that illustrate the full power of the 6MX, let’s talk about how to incorporate all the elements into an easy system that can fit onto a post-it note.